Any breakup is always a bitter pill to swallow. It can leave you feeling depressed, frustrated, insecure, and oftentimes desperate – desperate to win back your ex. Slowly, you attempt to pull your embattled self together, only to be crushed once again by waves of nostalgic reminiscing about “the good times”. Every little thing reminds you of your ex, and puts you back where you started – wanting to win back your ex.

Love gurus have an abundance of advices for the broken-hearted. But often, it grates on you to keep hearing that over-rated cliche: “if you love them, you need to let them go”. Not exactly what you wanted to hear – you’re looking for answers on how to win back your ex only to be told to let go? You want to fight for this love! The “how” is what you needed to hear.

Let the conflict settle down.

Whether the breakup was a mutual consensus or a fight that went out of control, breakups always mean either of you has reached the end of his or her tether. Before taking the next step to win back your ex, you need to let the fury subside. People are usually irrational when emotionally-charged so it’s no use to try reestablishing connection at this point.

This period though can be put to better use. Re-assess yourself and take stock of your priorities. Go out and see friends to have fun (or fake it!) and not to unload on them (ad nauseam) your desperation to win back your ex. Get back in shape or keep yourself fit. This is your emotional and physical preparation for what’s ahead.

Don’t attempt to beg, buy, or bribe your way back.

Probably the worst thing you can do right after a breakup is to worm your way back into your ex’s good graces by the most obvious route – begging and buying their affection with lavish gifts. More often than not, instead of these helping you win back your ex, such endeavors will backfire on you. Pushing it will just annoy them no end.

Gifts can still play important roles though, but only if there’s an occasion that makes it seem natural. Keep the gift simple, something well-though of that will remind the other party of your good side and of the good times. The key is to play down the romance and to not make an overt display to win back your ex.

Get ready to talk again.

Communication should be initiated by the other side, unless it’s taking too long. Remember that the first “talk” after the breakup can make or break your effort to win back you ex. If your ex is not making the first move, look for signs that read “it’s ok to approach me now” before doing so yourself.

Keep it casual and don’t rush into asking for a date or, worse, asking them to take you back. That’ll only ruin your chances to win back your ex. Your goal is to keep the communication lines open until the right time for the first date comes around.

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